When you and your spouse officially part ways in California, it is only natural for you to seek companionship, solace and a sexual relationship after the breakup. While you have every right to explore new connections, you need to bear in mind that your children may still be reeling from the divorce and may not yet be ready to see you with someone new. If you begin to date, whether casually or more seriously, and if you think about introducing your new partner to your children, take your time to really assess whether that would be in the best interests of your little ones.
Divorce Magazine provides five rules for introducing your new partner to your kids. The first rule is, time it accordingly. Your children need time to adjust to life post-divorce. However, whereas you may have only needed a few months to a year to move on, your children will likely need two years or more to adjust. Introducing a new partner too soon may complicate the adjustment period.
Another thing Divorce Magazine warns of is that your kids may view your new love interest as a rival. Just because you are smitten with him or her does not mean your children will be. Do not force a connection, as doing so could hurt both your relationship with your children and their possible future relationship with your new partner.
You can alleviate the above problem by soliciting feedback from your children. While you should date to make yourself happy, if you find someone with whom you are happy and if you feel relatively confident you are heading toward commitment, talk to your children openly and honestly about your new partner. Ask them what they think and if they have any questions. Doing this will make them feel as if they have a say at a time when everything else seems out of their control.
You should also think about your children’s needs for reassurance and security. Introducing a new partner too soon can take away their feelings of well-being before they get a chance to fully adapt to yours and your ex’s divorce.
Finally, ask yourself if your new love interest is a good fit for your family. Though you may have great chemistry with a person, that person may not mesh well with your family unit.
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